February 8, 2012
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
-Steve Jobs
My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.
-Abraham Lincoln
Motivation differs for everyone. Whether it is wealth, family, religion or any other variable human beings usually use external factors to inspire themselves. I am a huge fan and believer in developing intrinsic motivational factors. Ownership of your life’s outcomes is very important in the cultivation of a mentality that success is a top priority. Institutions ( i.e. churches), ideologies (i.e. capitalism) and people (i.e. family or spouses) are not usually stable enough to build this framework. Who you are and what you believe in at twenty years old isn’t the same who and what at thirty-five or fifty-five etc. It is emotionally reckless to not protect your mental health and well-being from the uncertainties of life.
The method in which I motivate myself are from the experiences of near-death. Regardless of whether or not you agree or disagree with my past actions the silver lining that I gained from that ordeal is my utter lack of fear…of death. Now don’t make the mistake of believing the absence of fear means I want to die. NO! I want to live. I won’t seek death but if it comes (before I feel ready) than I will accept it. Facing death puts everything in perspective (especially when you introduced yourself to him/her).
After you fail at committing suicide there’s nowhere to go but up!
-Shawn Maxam
We have been conditioned by society to revel in the negative. To believe in the worst of ourselves. To develop LSED or Low Self-Esteem Disorder. We try to find failure in our greatest successes. And when we do succeed we have to pass on the credit and glory to others for fear of being called narcissistic. We chip away at our own fragile core made all the easier by the billboards, media, friends, universities, religions and governments that we have been taught to allow to influence our thoughts about ourselves.
In today’s world every opinion is valid which means no one is right and that is utter bullshit. Much of the way we see ourselves in this world is based upon archaic, antiquated and static thought-systems. I want you to revolt. Remove the shackles of expectation. Empower yourself. You have the choice to accept failure as either a reflection of yourself or to look at it as a learning tool to reflect on the process and lack of progress. Change the people, place, ideas and things impeding your growth.
I can take arguably the worst moments of my life; my brother’s death, my own suicide attempts and subsequent mood disorder diagnosis and choose to give them meaning. The experiences themselves still suck. But who I become because of those experiences can be positive. There is no grand cosmic plan for me. Those events didn’t need to happen. But I accept that they did and I move forward. My appreciation for life is directly related to my appreciation of death and the preciousness of time. Time I shall no longer waste.
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
-Winston Churchill
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Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting!
R.I.P. SKH
This is a post onto itself. Everything you stated is important and vital. Thank you for sharing.
Excellent post and excellent response too
Hey, Nice post. I too believe that we must develop “intrinsic motivational factors” in our quest for a better life for ourselves and others. I really like your words about owning our own life outcomes, although I think a mentality of success can be interpreted in many ways, which takes us full circle back to ownership of our life outcomes, ie dreams, aspirations, who we are, how we live, etc.
I do want to add my five cents to your note that things outside of ourselves might not be “stable enough” to build this framework. Au contraire mon ami, I think we alone are not stable enough to build the framework necessary to live well and thrive. In addition to our goals and desires to be captains of our ships, this also comes via a partnership with meaningful people, things, groups, etc. (referring to institutions, ideologies, and people) as well through the acknowledgement that there are undercurrents operating in all parts of life that are far more powerful than you and I can understand, let alone begin to take control over.
It’s part of passage to buck those things, and feel like we can only rely on ourselves, particularly for those of us who have felt burned, hurt, and/or scarred by people, places, and things. But do not be surprised to find later in life that some of those things are the very things that help sustain us during the times when life does seem bleak, or when we do feel like we have failed, or have indeed failed in some way.
For about a decade, these words both haunted and inspired me. George Benson sang them long before Whitney:
“I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows…If I fail, if I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all, is inside of me…”
In the end, Carpe Diem! But just don’t forget that it does indeed take a village.
Annie